What makes us slow down? And when we do, what makes us feel how we do about it?
Sometimes when I slow down, I feel refreshed. I think “man I deserved this break! And this feels so good – why did it take me so long to do it.” And then I take another sip of my Piña Colada and smile at the little umbrella stabbed into the pineapple “mug”
But others times when I slow down, I feel guilty. Lately I have felt like I abandoned my blog in favor of planning a trip to Europe for this summer. You’d think that’d make me happy: spending my free time researching places to stay, methods of travel, what to pack, what kinds of backpacks are best, how to get to all the places we want to see, all the amazing photos we’ll take and how we will feel about the experiences we’ll have. It should feel like excitement building and anticipation growing.
So why do I feel like I am “failing?” There is a little voice inside me that says this is selfish and that I should be working on Project Totem and blogging and building a following (whatever that is) and doing something more “productive.”
- Excited to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa come into view, until a footfall reminds me that I should be being diligent somewhere else.
- My heart sings at the sight of the Eiffel Towel and then plunges into despair when I see that there are ten thousand more steps to get there.
My stomach flips and rolls when I think of it. When I think of the selfishness.
My head disagrees. Vehemently.
I know my head is right.
I just wish my heart’s supply of pebbles would ebb…