Hump Day Life Hacks: 5 People You Should Avoid

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Five People You Should Avoid

It’s Hump Day again and this week, our Hump Day Life Hack takes a look at the people who derail our positive outlook and sometimes take our entire self-esteem off-track.

There are people who’re emotionally draining, psychologically taxing, and/or just plain time-eaters; they really do affect us in small ways each time we interact with them and, over time, they can leech our optimism, steal our drive, and drag us off into a grey world of negativity making joy and self-love difficult to see.

I'm sorry but you threw off the emperor's grooveLetting go of negative people, ignoring them, or at least minimizing the time you spend with them is not cruel nor does it mean you hate them — it just means that you care more for your own well-being than you care about allowing them to negatively “throw of your groove.” We all know what happens to those who throw off grooves …

So who could you use a little less of?

1. The Eeyore:

These melancholic personality types tend to be pessimistic and, while they may consider themselves realists, their downbeat attitude and seemingly negative approach can ruin your hopes for moving forward, especially if you have a touch of self-doubt to begin with.

If you give in and let their negativity convince you that there’s no use trying or that things won’t get better, you risk becoming an Eeyore yourself.

Remember that you ARE strong enough, you CAN do whatever you set your mind to, things WILL get better, and the world is not such a sad grey place to be in.

When I am feeling down and somewhat overwhelmed or hopeless, one technique I’ve used is, instead of stressing about potential negative outcomes, I imagine all the possible good outcomes – no matter how outlandish they seem. If I can allow for fear and self doubt to run rampant, why not unleash optimism and dreams as well? For more on this technique, check out 10,000 possibilities

2. The Un-solicited Life Coach

Everyone vents to friends, seeks advice, uses trusted love ones as a “sounding board” from time to time.

But then there is this other kind of person – the one who offers advice a little too forcibly and then “checks in” to see if you’ve followed it.  Or conversely, they see you making personal changes in your life and “dislike” the “new you,” rebuking it in favor of dismissive comments.  You’ll know this person by those words:

  • Don’t come crying to me when this doesn’t turn out well …
  • I can’t believe you haven’t done what I told you to …

Or

  • Give it a month and we’ll see if you stuck with it
  • These changes aren’t permanent, you never stick with anything. You’re all enthusiasm and no determination or drive.

I just woke up

These people really stoke up the flames on our internal self-doubt engine. We begin to make excuses for ourselves like “no one thinks I’ll be able to do it anyway” and “what’s the point?” Or worse, we simply feel distinctly unsupported so we accept the apparent negative beliefs of others.

The solution? Run! (lol. I’m only half kidding)

Seriously, though, minimize time with people like this and instead, surround yourself with people who love, accept, and believe in you. Real friendships don’t require you to conform to any set of criteria other than being yourself.

3. The Manipulator

Sadly, I have to admit, I used to be one of these in some of my relationships and, man, are manipulators toxic.  These people place such an importance on their own goals that they are willing to use guilt, threats, and passive aggressive tactics to achieve those goals. There are a thousand reasons why people do this and once again, I find that it’s seldom deliberately hurtful.  This kind of person reminds me of the old adage:

People get away with what you let them get away with.

And the key words there are “get away” … as in you should … and quickly.

Distancing yourself from this kind of person helps you to avoid feelings of inadequacy and keeps you from becoming entangled in the confusing, often contradictory, demands this person levies. Your time is better spent in your own company or with people who love you without agendas.

4. Drama Queens

Down That Rabbit Hole

Some people take a bit of delight in being able to create social excitement and animosity; they gossip, stir up controversy, push ideas that make us doubt our relationships and maybe our own worth.

There are likely a myriad of reasons why they do it, and I sincerely doubt that it’s typically done with malice; but none of that changes the potential impact of these people on our lives and self esteem.

One poorly placed comment can have us running off on a wild goose chase, wasting time trying to resolve “issues” or find closure to problems that never existed.

Instead of running down that rabbit hole with the Drama Queen, walk away. Ignore the drama. Hang up the phone.  And take a minute to de-stress by contemplating all that’s right in your world.

5. The Inner Critic

Your inner voice is your most persistent companion, and yet we allow them to talk to us any old kind of way, sometimes joining them in hurtful bashing sessions. (I’m guilty of it still – don’t let the blog fool ya).

And it’s this kind of self talk that can be murderous to our self esteem.

So, turn your back on the inner critic.

Deliberately reject those thoughts as they arise and move forward in an affirming mind frame.  In “Always Wear Your Crown,” I gave a blow-by-blow example of how I walk through this process (at least on that specific day).

What if you don’t put in the effort to silence that voice?  You risk depression, low self-esteem, and sometimes worse… if only because that unrelenting voice is always present in your life.

Find a technique that works for you and use it to step away from that shaming little finger-pointing critic that lives in your head. Silence him long enough and he eventually forgets how to talk.

________________________________

Bottom line: these five personalities are detrimental to a strong sense of self worth and to finding joy – so why would you keep them around in your life in large doses?  The more your surround yourself with love, support, and joy, the more you will find peace, and happiness.

I’d love to hear from you! Who are you struggling with in terms of negative relationships and what are you doing to manage the impact that those relationships have on you?

Original Photo Sources can be found by clicking on the photos themselves

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About ExaltedPeacock

Finding cool new things each day to love about me & those around me. Everyone is peacock beautiful. Celebrate it!

5 responses to “Hump Day Life Hacks: 5 People You Should Avoid”

  1. Regina Partain says :

    Hi Heather. Great post and right on the mark. At one time, in my previous business, I had an Eeyore on staff. He even sounded like Eeyore. We always worked on communication in our organization. It was a company made up of mostly women, which, as most of us know, can be a very difficult situation. I hired women with very strong personalities, which could make for an even worse situation. However, we worked a great deal on teamwork and communication. I think that everyone’s self esteem was better as they understood each other better and learned to appreciate their differences. We also especially worked on the ‘rumor mill’ aspect to keep it in check. I don’t think you ever completely eliminate it, but you can make a difference.
    I personally like to surround myself with positive people, however, I do have friends who may struggle in that area. I think it is my job, then, to display a positive attitude and the joy that one has when they are positive. By doing so, people begin to be attracted to that positive attitude and joyful spirit and begin to make changes in their own lives to lead them in that direction.

    Thanks again for sharing.

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      Regina –

      We agree on so much. And there are those times when friends, coworkers, acquaintances, family members and others are simply going to be that type of person and you cannot effectively avoid them.

      You made a good point when you said that being a positive counterbalancing voice is the best route around / through that environment.

      Thanks s much for stopping by.
      Heather

  2. Stephanie @ From the Burbs to the Boonies says :

    I love this! I’ve had a few of those kinds around over the years, truly they can make life exhausting. I have slowly but surely learned to turn off that inner critic. Mostly because of a pastor’s sermon a few years back. We need to speak kind words to ourselves or we won’t be good to anyone!

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      Stephanie –
      That exhaustion that comes from either defending yourself against sliding into that person’s negative vortex … or struggling to help keep them afloat — it is completely energy-stripping. Huff. I have had friends like this and (as I mentioned) at some point in my life, I was a manipulator… so at this point in my life, I can feel the energy heading my way and I swear, it feels like kryptonite, almost immediately weakening my spirit.
      As for that inner critic – it’s a daily conversation for me. It’s almost like being tied together with one of the first four negative people I mentioned. Sometimes the voice wins and sometimes I do. Good news is that I win more often than it does (a development in the past few years that I am proud of).
      Thanks so much for stopping by.
      Heather

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