Scars are Beautiful: Monday Motivation #29

Retrospection can be scary .. and scar-ry

This week I started working on my self-help book again. I have been hesitant to look back on it and edit it because I dislike the woman who wrote those essays.

  • She was scarred.
  • And weak.
  • And the essays describe a thought process and way of life that was sometimes so tiresome.

But I am taking a class on novel writing and the instructor expects that we have books “at the ready” because we are all aspiring authors.

And I am an aspiring author … with books… lots of books … in various states of completion. But none were as ready as this one based on the assignments he gave us.

This was only book that would meet the need.

Huff.

I turned to this self-help book of essays and I edited it a bit and pieced together the essays into a manuscript that would flow logically and …

I read a few of them.

At first I just read a paragraph or two…sort of as a guilty peek into my world of ‘what once was.’

And then I arrived at one that was especially painful to write; I remember feeling poignant and teary at the end – as if I’d spit out the final remnants of a remarkably bad cold or virus.  I settled into the couch a little deeper, took a deep breath and a sip of my coffee and resolved to give the essay a “fair shake.”

Funny thing is I was touched by what I’d written.  I felt sadness and pity for the woman who wrote those words, but the intent and emotions that I had wanted to convey were absolutely there.

So here is what I learned in my little retrospective:

  • I am not that woman anymore
  • It is amazing to see how far I have come
  • My scars have helped shape me into the woman I am today.

The Apple of my Own Eye

That last little bit is so bittersweet.

We hope to never be hurt in life.  We sometimes spend great effort vetting people and experiences so that they won’t hurt us or so that we can do our damnedest to prevent them from doing so.

And yet eventually we still get hurt.

Those things that hurt us also teach us life’s lessons.  And they sometimes change the course of our lives.

No matter what happens in life, really, all is simply stimuli – some good, some bad – but nearly none are insurmountable.

Scars do leave us marked, whether physically or emotionally – but they don’t have to leave us incapacitated.

This reminds me of a picture I took a couple weeks back – of something else that had been scarred.  It had been shadowed for what was apparently its entire life – and yet once I saw it, I was delighted but the beauty of the scar.

It was an apple. An apple whose leaf had shadowed one specific area from getting sunlight for most of its existence – and I thought it was the most amazing thing to see.

Scars don't have to paralyze us

The apple was absolutely fine – even gorgeous – despite its scar (or maybe because of its scar).  It was as juicy and succulent as ever and if I’d been blind, I’d not have known the difference.

Consider the apple when you think about your scars – especially your emotional ones.  There is no reason to allow scars to become a shield or a weapon against further vulnerability.

You are beautiful. And amazing and wonderful and lovable and yes, scarred and imperfect.

Today.

Right now.

As you stand.

Beautiful.

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About ExaltedPeacock

Finding cool new things each day to love about me & those around me. Everyone is peacock beautiful. Celebrate it!

18 responses to “Scars are Beautiful: Monday Motivation #29”

  1. thebargainbabe says :

    What a great post. Some things in life definitely left their scars, but it’s part of who I became.

  2. Joshua Macala says :

    Life experiences (both good and bad) help shape the person we become. We all start a out as a rough, but beautiful piece of marble. Through life’s various experiences we are sanded, chiseled, and deal with effects of erosion.
    Some individuals give up on the artwork of their life because they have one crack too many and fail to see the potential of becoming something greater. Others work around the cracks and rough edges becoming a more beautiful piece in the process.
    You are like that piece of artwork that has become more beautiful because your cracks helped shape you into the wonderful, strong, and loving woman you are today. I am glad that I have to a friend, mentor, and confidant who can remind me not to give up on myself just because of a couple cracks.

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      Josh –

      I love your analogy. It is at once beautiful and poignant. It brings to mind the Greek Statue of Venus. She has no arms and yet the statue is still gorgeous and revered worldwide.

      Such a lovely way to make the point. Thanks for stopping by (again) and for making a comment this time. You definitely made it worth the wait. 🙂

  3. Nuri says :

    Its so true that we still get hurt even when we try to avoid it. But we all know that even know it hurts it is a good experience and we typically come out stronger….so why do we try to avoid it?

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      Nuri –

      I totally love your perspective. It’s always refreshing to read your comments because I see things anew and from an angle I’d not originally considered. 🙂

      I think we avoid pain because it sucks to go through it. And yes, maybe a month or six or a year or two later, we might have grown and feel more powerful or somehow better for having had that experience — but the truth is, those moments spent balled into the fetal position crying our eyes out aren’t easily (nor willingly) walked into. If I told you there was a million dollars waiting for you on the other side of a wall of fire that is ten feet thick, would you run thru it? It’s kind of like that except … we aren’t guaranteed that the value of what we learn will actually be a million dollar lesson.

      That said, I want to be clear. When I said, “We hope to never be hurt in life. We sometimes spend great effort vetting people and experiences so that they won’t hurt us or so that we can do our damnedest to prevent them from doing so,” I meant that we really refuse to be vulnerable with someone on the outside chance that they might hurt us.

      And there are a few truths that maybe I should have said to be more clear:
      1. MOST people you know don’t hurt you at all
      2. When we are hurt, we learn and grow from it
      3. Our past hurts, pains, scars, etc are part of what makes us the unique beauty we are today – so celebrate them

      That is not the same as saying “run toward the hurtful stuff in life so that you can be stronger and learn more.”

      Instead, what it means is (or what I intended was) live authentically. Be vulnerable. Take chances with people by allowing them to see the real you.

      And when you do, they just might surprise you. 😀

  4. karen says :

    great post…love it. I have come out stronger through all that I been through…thought it would break us…but only made us stronger and wiser. Happy SATURDAY SHAREFEST

  5. JDaniel4's Mom says :

    They are painful, but I have learned from them.

  6. Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom says :

    Visiting from Sharefest. Yesterday I was looking at my circle scar on my shin, about the size of a penny. It’s dark and perfectly round. As I was at the pool, I thought I should be self-concious. But I’m not. This is the mark of my second skin cancer removal. And if anything, it teaches me that sun protection is no joke — a great lesson while at the pool — and that I am bigger than my scar, even if it will always be a part of me.

    My Sharefest link is the Luckiest Family in the World #giggles.

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      Katy, let me start by saying I’m so glad to hear that you’re kicking skin cancer’s butt 😀 Hearing about your moment spent in retrospection and appreciation is motivating to me…I’m glad you shared.

  7. Kesha of We Got Kidz says :

    What a wonderful inspirational piece! It’s always important to take some time to do a little interpersonal communication take some stock and purge some of that negativity. You’ve definitely proved that. 🙂
    New friend visiting from SITS 🙂

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      Kesha, thanks so much for stopping by 🙂 I’m so glad that you found this post inspirational – that’s my hope for every post I do. out with the negative, in with the positive.

  8. Regina says :

    Totally enjoyed your post! Very inspirational and encouraging! Thanks for posting and serving…(I have a little over 1.5 years left before I retire myself!)

    Happy SITS Sharefest!

  9. Dawn Vigue Thurston says :

    If there is one thing that I have learned that has helped me to let go of pain and anger, it is that 99% of the time, people are not trying to hurt me. Very few people are that sadistic. Most of the time, they just didn’t think through the consequences of their actions.

    I am not the center of the world. As much as it hurts to think that the effect on me was not considered, it is also freeing. If someone did not deliberately hurt me, if it was an accident or a result of carelessness (as we attorneys like to call it, “excusable neglect”), I can let it go. I don’t need to tell them or anyone else about it either. (That’s another big part of this for me – not relying on others for approval or seeking recognition. Being a martyr is really not very rewarding. How I feel about myself is what matters most.)

    I grew up under the heavy hand of a woman who truly believed that everything I did, right down to leaving egg on a fork that I washed or Comet residue in the bathtub that I scrubbed, I did DELIBERATELY to upset her. It was absolutely not the truth, but she believed it. It didn’t bring her any joy.

    I refuse to choose to be unhappy. 🙂
    PS – Nice site, Heather. I love you, little sister. XOXO

    • Heather says :

      Hey, sis 🙂
      You bring up a point worth mentioning: accepting the past to the point of forgiveness. I find that it is far easier to move forward once I accept that those who hurt me often were “doing the best they could at the time;” that goes for abusive step mothers, ex husbands, friends and even coworkers. Forgiving those who have wronged me is so much easier when I let go of my need to find blame. And once I’ve forgiven them, accepting myself is also a ton easier. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. And I love you too. XOXO

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