InHumanity

I am seldom negative.  And I try really hard to silence those voices in favor of more optimistic uplifting ones.  But this piece of creative writing begged to be penned. 

InHumanity

I have always thought that ideally family would provide a safe nest for its members, a haven from the stress and pressures of the outside world.

In the bosom of family, we should find respite and solace.

But the nature of family life is sometimes so complicated and contrary to its genuine ideal purpose; it can be derisive and deleterious in such an insidious yet substantial way that it stealthily (and sometimes overtly) pummels a person’s psyche mercilessly.

Often we emerge as young adults crippled yet in the mirror we believe that all is well.  We step forward and continue to invite our family to stab, bind, and otherwise drown our inner selves.

It seems to me that this is the conundrum of day-to-day life – whether interacting with family or with others.

We require connectedness. Crave it.  Wither in the absence of it.  Life is an insipid stone broth without it.

And yet with it?

It seems that human existence its very self is so often the cudgel with which we’re beaten and simultaneously the nested loving arms that salve that very same wound.

A mother berates a child.  A best friend betrays a secret.  A lover defiles us. Classmates bully. Cousins gossip. Aunts and uncles compare. Co-workers malign.

All is a cacophony of unnecessary noise that works the soul over.

It vexes me that we so often cannot find safety in each other’s arms.

Humanity sometimes doesn’t feel so humane.

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About ExaltedPeacock

Finding cool new things each day to love about me & those around me. Everyone is peacock beautiful. Celebrate it!

3 responses to “InHumanity”

  1. Megan says :

    I’ve struggled with this all of my life, and STILL continue to do so. It’s a constant struggle between what family SHOULD be and then how it really is. The irony exists in the fact that I let it keep happening out of guilt… Who will end up being the better bad guy? It’s almost easier to be a victim of “family” than to put any real effort into building bridges that will always break. I know this is a rant-like response, but it hits so close to home for me right now. Do you think we unknowingly allow such family situations to just keep happening? Do we feel obligated to force a square peg into a round hole because the word “family” is attached? Or do you think the most humane part of being family is having blind faith?

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      What a priceless and perfect response, Megan, and thank you for it.

      I think we inherently believe that we should be a part of something called family. We want to please our parents; we compete with and also find permanent friendship in our siblings and to some extent, cousins. And what if we disappoint Grandma? Or if Dad threatens to “disown” you? Why does that hurt so much more than when a friend fades away until the friendship is for all intents and purposes over?
      My initial thought is that “you only have one Dad” but you have many “friends” and somehow the loss of the love and acceptance of family feels like something far more devastating than (in my opinion) it should be. It feels like you lost a “one of a kind.”
      And none of this addresses the normal, typical relationships that come from someone having known us when we were young and silly, when we were cute, when we were weak and innocent – nobody that you meet in your adulthood is privy to that version of you. And what of the parent/child relationship? The desire to make them proud? The belief that losing their love is the literal undoing of our worth? If my mother doesn’t love me, then who will? Even society supports these ideas: “a child only a mother can love.”

      In the end, Megan, you’ve touched on a wonderful chord in this blog. It is precisely the struggle that I was referring to.

      So why DO you engage? Why do you continue with family strife and warfare? Maybe I didn’t touch on your reason(s), but I hope I gave you something to think about or at least a path to begin walking down

      • Exalted Peacock says :

        The point to the blog was that I see negative sometimes too. I am struck with the same conundrum and it has driven me to be estranged from my own father for more than a decade now.

        And as a mother, I can see similar struggles in my relationships with my children.
        My children know that I love them unconditionally and eternally yet they are both deathly afraid of disappointing me. Conversely, I want the best for them but feel compelled nose-into their life choices and mother them even when the decisions in question should be their own.

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