Spring Cleaning – Monday Motivation #10

The weather is gorgeous today.  Balmy and breezy.

Springtime is nearly here and Las Vegas accommodates earlier than most places.

Time for new beginnings.

Time for spring cleaning.

Time for clearing out old-and-dusty in favor of new-and-shiny.

Old and Dusty

This week, someone whom I once knew, reappeared in my life.

I loved him once – deeply and without guard.

I trusted him, too.  Implicitly.

And then one day, he shattered me.

Abandonment sliced deep.

And he wasn’t the first to abandon me.

I returned to self-doubt, replaying a track of mantras that I’d recorded during my childhood with parents who never thought I was good enough. This way of thinking is an old one: as old and dusty as my grandmother’s LP records stacked on the same bookshelf since the seventies.

It took time to heal from my friend’s abandonment (and it turns out those old and dusty self-doubt mantras weren’t particularly helpful).

Time, introspection, therapy, education, supportive friends and determination all coalesced to help me pick myself back up and carry on.

And now today, as I look back on this week, I chuckle because that phrase reminds me of an amazing picture I once saw: one of an orange carrying its mostly-peeled-self across a table.

New and Shiny

Carry On
While I didn’t realize it at the time, I was just like the orange in that photo.

I felt flayed open, peeled back and vulnerable.

But I moved forward and so did life and the weight of what had happened lessened.  Over time,  “picking myself up” didn’t feel like such a chore.

So when I heard from him this week, his email landed as light as a feather.

I had after all, missed him dearly.

So much time has passed that I remembered all that needed remembering:

the happy and joyous us.

The us that I miss.

The us that was magical.

I responded to him from a place of forgiveness and healing and love.

It was genuine and authentic. I am truly at peace with the role he played in my life. And I am open to every avenue of possibility that extends from here too.

  • Maybe I never hear from him again
  • Maybe we gradually return to what we had
  • Maybe we reach beyond that
  • Maybe he remains a random infrequent touchpoint, checking in as his schedule and emotions allow

All acceptable outcomes that he and I will figure out along the way.

This way of thinking is new for me – new and shiny.

Spring Cleaning

This experience was a breath of fresh air – the kind of air that spring wafts into the house on the very first day that you fling open the windows after winter’s forced stuffy shut-in.

I feel fresh and new and hopeful about my ability to be so open and authentic, to release old ways of thinking and welcome new ones.

Today, I welcomed spring in Las Vegas.

Welcomed balmy air and strong breezes.

Smiled while sun rays warmed my face and promised the blazing heat of a Vegas summer is just around the corner.

I look forward to fruit salad eating, sun block slathering, barbecue sizzling and chlorinated pool water splattering off swim trunks onto the sun baked patio.

And I look forward to figuratively finding all those things in my Arms-Wide-Open life too.

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What experiences have forced you to pick yourself up and carry on?

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About ExaltedPeacock

Finding cool new things each day to love about me & those around me. Everyone is peacock beautiful. Celebrate it!

5 responses to “Spring Cleaning – Monday Motivation #10”

  1. nuri says :

    My experience with my real mom, Nicole has caused me to constantly have to pick myself up again after her ongoing rejection. It gets tiring though 😦

    • Heather LaBarge says :

      I can imagine that reeling from emotional draining experiences is ridiculously tiring and saddening when it comes from people who a think should NOT be the person to treat us that way. I wonder how much of that pain is simply because of the title she bears. Being “mom” or “mother,” I wonder of that is part of the reason that pain from her is particularly draining (like I mentioned in blog “what’s in a name” last year.)

  2. Charlene says :

    I love the Orange. The fleshy interior exposed and on the outside, but with your thick and strong skin picking you up and holding you together as you get up and move on from life. So many things can force you to have to do this. Heartbreaks. Abandonment. Loss. And many more.

    • Exalted Peacock says :

      I think in the end, so long as you continue to pick yourself up and move along then you will continue to grow and become stronger person…. no matter what not to down first place

  3. Regal Realness says :

    Awesome post! I too have had a similar experience, and I feel like I recently got to the same place. Refreshing to know I am not alone.

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