Spring Cleaning – Monday Motivation #10
The weather is gorgeous today. Balmy and breezy.
Springtime is nearly here and Las Vegas accommodates earlier than most places.
Time for new beginnings.
Time for spring cleaning.
Time for clearing out old-and-dusty in favor of new-and-shiny.
Old and Dusty
This week, someone whom I once knew, reappeared in my life.
I loved him once – deeply and without guard.
I trusted him, too. Implicitly.
And then one day, he shattered me.
Abandonment sliced deep.
And he wasn’t the first to abandon me.
I returned to self-doubt, replaying a track of mantras that I’d recorded during my childhood with parents who never thought I was good enough. This way of thinking is an old one: as old and dusty as my grandmother’s LP records stacked on the same bookshelf since the seventies.
It took time to heal from my friend’s abandonment (and it turns out those old and dusty self-doubt mantras weren’t particularly helpful).
Time, introspection, therapy, education, supportive friends and determination all coalesced to help me pick myself back up and carry on.
And now today, as I look back on this week, I chuckle because that phrase reminds me of an amazing picture I once saw: one of an orange carrying its mostly-peeled-self across a table.
New and Shiny
I felt flayed open, peeled back and vulnerable.
But I moved forward and so did life and the weight of what had happened lessened. Over time, “picking myself up” didn’t feel like such a chore.
So when I heard from him this week, his email landed as light as a feather.
I had after all, missed him dearly.
So much time has passed that I remembered all that needed remembering:
the happy and joyous us.
The us that I miss.
The us that was magical.
I responded to him from a place of forgiveness and healing and love.
It was genuine and authentic. I am truly at peace with the role he played in my life. And I am open to every avenue of possibility that extends from here too.
Maybe I never hear from him again
Maybe we gradually return to what we had
Maybe we reach beyond that
Maybe he remains a random infrequent touchpoint, checking in as his schedule and emotions allow
All acceptable outcomes that he and I will figure out along the way.
This way of thinking is new for me – new and shiny.
This experience was a breath of fresh air – the kind of air that spring wafts into the house on the very first day that you fling open the windows after winter’s forced stuffy shut-in.
I feel fresh and new and hopeful about my ability to be so open and authentic, to release old ways of thinking and welcome new ones.
Today, I welcomed spring in Las Vegas.
Welcomed balmy air and strong breezes.
Smiled while sun rays warmed my face and promised the blazing heat of a Vegas summer is just around the corner.
I look forward to fruit salad eating, sun block slathering, barbecue sizzling and chlorinated pool water splattering off swim trunks onto the sun baked patio.
And I look forward to figuratively finding all those things in my Arms-Wide-Open life too.
What experiences have forced you to pick yourself up and carry on?